Archive for the Humor Category

Mini crossbow – I want one!

Posted in Cool Stuff, Humor, Thumbs Up! on April 25, 2011 by DaMook

Not sure if you can actually order one of these, but I WANT ONE!

How long before the government steps in and squashes this guy?

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NYC nanny state fatso politician wants to ban Happy Meal toys

Posted in BIG Government, Culture, FAIL, Government Folly, Humor, Nanny State on April 7, 2011 by DaMook

The idiotic nanny state notion that banning toys in McDonald’s Happy Meals will somehow solve childhood obesity is not new (more here). I suppose the idea is that kids actually want Happy Meals because of the “toys” inside, rather than the burger & fries – after all, the toys probably taste better. And, of course, parents can’t actually say “no” to their kids so the government needs to step in. What makes this story (from NBC NY) so funny is the nanny who is proposing legislation to ban the Happy Meal toys (and the headline to the story). Meet NYC Councilman Leroy Comrie:

leroy_comrie
Happy Meal victim

A city lawmaker thinks free toys and other giveaways cause children to clamor for fast food, and he planned to introduce a bill Wednesday that will ban them from meals that fail to meet nutritional guidelines.

The bill would create an incentive for restaurants to cook up healthier options, Councilman Leroy Comrie said.

“If we can get the fast food companies to brand and create nutritious meals where children could receive toys, they would be just as excited,” he said.

Meals would be required to be less than 500 calories, as well as low in fat and sodium, according to the proposed law outlined by Comrie’s office Tuesday. Any single food would have to be less than 200 calories. Violators would initially be fined $200 to $500.

So in other words, a Happy Meal would have to consist of carrot and celery sticks and maybe a half of a tuna fish sandwich (on whole wheat) to include a toy. I’m sure kids will be “just as excited” for that – LOL!

What makes this career apparatchik such an expert on childhood obesity and the fast food business? Why, his vast personal experience – and obvious girth.

Comrie, who is himself overweight, has publicly acknowledged his battle with weight and said he ate Happy Meals regularly as a child. He also said he failed to set a good example for his own children by allowing them to eat fast-food.

“Clearly, my weight has always been an issue, and it’s something that has given me the impetus to do this bill,” Comrie, who has confessed he weighs more than 320 pounds, said, according to The New York Post.

He regularly ate Happy Meals (probably several at a time) but he doesn’t say it was because of the wonderful toys inside. I guess we’re just supposed to assume that. He also failed to set a good example for his own kids by allowing them to eat fast food. Hmmm, I guess he’s on a guilt trip or something.

McDonalds has been in the food business for more than 50 years so they probably know more about it than this barrage balloon.

Karma: Man named Cokayne arrested for…what else, dealing drugs

Posted in Culture, FAIL, Humor, Thumbs Up! on March 29, 2011 by DaMook

Now, who couldn’t have seen this coming (story here from the Washington Post).

The story you are about to read is true. The names have not been changed because otherwise it wouldn’t be that interesting.

The Fairfax County police on Tuesday arrested a man named Kevin Lee Cokayne and charged him with dealing drugs.

The police were looking to acquire Cokayne, so they went to a house on Franklin Farm Road in the Herndon area and found Cokayne in a rented apartment in the basement, according to a search warrant affidavit filed in court .

As the undercover detective walked downstairs and discovered Cokayne, the detective asked if he could search the apartment. That was no good for Cokayne, who told the detective, “I don’t see why you want to waste your time for an eighth of weed. It’s a misdemeanor,” according to the affidavit. So the cops got a search warrant for the home of Cokayne.

But apparently Cokayne was selling marijuana, not cocaine, the court documents indicate. Police found a safe with marijuana, a wooden box with marijuana, two jars containing marijuana, a smoking device with marijuana, a digital scale, and “records and documents for Kevin Cocaine [sic],” a search inventory reveals.

Cokayne, 24, was charged with two felony counts of distributing marijuana. On what appears to be his Facebook page, he has a picture of an eight-ball. We could not make this up.

LOL!

Bank robber asked for ID – complies, busted, FAIL

Posted in Culture, FAIL, Heros, Humor on March 24, 2011 by DaMook

It’s probably safe to say that the vast majority of bank robbers are not among society’s deep thinkers. Most are out to make a quick score and are generally caught within hours (more here). Even those that are successful are eventually caught. Given the sophisticated security measures (silent alarms, cameras, armed guards, exploding dye packs, etc.) it doesn’t take genius-level intelligence to figure out that robbing a bank is not a path to financial security.

This is a tale of two people – a stupid robber and a courageous bank teller (story here).

A Dallas Wells Fargo bank teller risked her life and thousands of dollars on a bet that a robber at her window would be stupid enough to comply with her request that he show two forms of identification.But sure enough, her bet paid off! The robber, 49-year-old Nathan Wayne Pugh of Sachse, Texas, actually took the time to search through his pockets and wallet to produce the IDs — which turned out to be his Wells Fargo debit card and a state ID card. Then the teller stalled even more by very slowly copying the information.

Thanks to her efforts, authorities had ample time to arrive on the scene.

Pugh was apprehended when he tried to flee the bank with $800. He was later found guilty of bank robbery and sentenced to an eight year prison term. He was already on parole for two other aggravated robberies.

There’s no word on whether or not the teller was rewarded for her savvy risk. Regardless, she gets bragging rights and a great story to tell her kids.

Great story!

Moron of the Day: Hugo Chavez

Posted in Culture, Huh? WTF?, Humor on March 24, 2011 by DaMook
obamachavez

Good buddies

While he could qualify as Moron of the Day just about every day, Venezuelan president for life Hugo Chavez gets a special mention today for this stunning revelation (story here from Reuters). Apparently capitalism wiped out civilization…on Mars!

Capitalism may be to blame for the lack of life on the planet Mars, Venezuela’s socialist President Hugo Chavez said on Tuesday.”I have always said, heard, that it would not be strange that there had been civilization on Mars, but maybe capitalism arrived there, imperialism arrived and finished off the planet,” Chavez said in speech to mark World Water Day.

Chavez, who also holds capitalism responsible for many of the world’s problems, warned that water supplies on Earth were drying up.

Well since NASA is gearing up for a Mars mission, maybe they should consider sending Hugo, Sean Penn, Michael Moore, and the gals from Code Pink for a utopia-building mission. They could take along a pair of unicorns…

Moron of the Day: Noodle’s employee who works in a “dictatorship”

Posted in Culture, FAIL, Humor, UGH! on March 18, 2011 by DaMook

Here’s a restaurant employee who believes he’s working in a “dictatorship” because they’re told what to cook, how to cook it, and when to show up for work. As if all this wasn’t supposed to be a factor of what & when customers are ordering (story here from Reason.com).

Over at YouTube, quietsong56 (the auteur also behind “Ice Cream ATTACK!”) has posted this incredible video with an employee of Noodles, a restaurant that is “basically a dictatorship” in that the boss tells the cooks what to make, how to make it, etc.

Taking a slightly longer view, Noodles, like most restaurants, may actually be more accurately called a dictatorship of the proletariat, in that customers dictate what food gets cooked and how it is prepared.

It’s confusing stuff and given that this video emanates from the recent “new tone” uprisings in Wisconsin, we owe the Badger State for clarifying things that have gone unsaid for way too long.

After watching this, do you get the impression that there is absolutely nothing between this guy’s ears but empty space – an echo chamber? This space alien is the perfect example of what elected our dear comrade leader.

High Schools diss the dear comrade leader?

Posted in Culture, FAIL, Humor, The Regime on March 9, 2011 by DaMook

As a high school administrator, what would you do for the opportunity to have our dear comrade leader speak at your graduation ceremony? I mean, we’re talking about the guy who’s been compared to FDR, Lincoln, Superman and Reagan – a “sort-of God” for crying out loud (more here). This is the guy who promised us “Hope” and “Change,” world peace and lower sea levels, and sent tingles down Chris Matthew’s leg. Who wouldn’t swoon over the chance for him to deliver a commencement address at their school? Apparently there there’s still hope for this to happen but you have to hurry (story here).

The White House is ramping up an effort to promote a nationwide competition to decide which high school wins a commencement speech by President Obama.
An internal White House memo indicates that the White House is facing a shortage of applications less than a week before the deadline.

The competition was extended from the February 25 deadline until Friday, March 11 after few schools met the original application deadline. CBS News has learned a White House Communications Office internal memo dated February 22 noted “a major issue with the Commencement Challenge.”

“As of yesterday we had received 14 applications and the deadline is Friday,” the memo said. The memo also urged recipients to, “please keep the application number close hold.”

A follow-up memo on February 28 reported receipt of 68 applications. Noting the competition among more than 1,000 schools last year, the memo said, “Something isn’t working.” It called on staffers to ask “friendly congressional, gubernatorial and mayoral offices” to encourage schools to apply.

Hmmm. Last year there were 1000 applicants and this year only 68? Even after extending the deadline? How do you explain that? Simple:

Officials were unable to explain the reason for the apparent lack of interest, beyond pointing to possible procrastination by school systems.

Couldn’t possibly be that our dear comrade leader has lost some of his luster. It’s the lazy school administrators!

LOL!