Redefining “stimulus” jobs – “lives touched” Huh? WTF?

Over the past 18 months we have been carpet bombed by the state-run media and regime apparatchiks about how the “stimulus” has “worked” – especially in the number of jobs “created or saved.” As the smoke from this wreckage has started to clear it is becoming more evident that: a) the description of jobs “saved or created” is nebulous and b) the actual number is not possible to quantify. If you listen to the regime apparatchiks, this number is anywhere between 749,000 (from and 3.5 million. These wildly divergent estimates only reinforce the reality that the government is incapable of accounting for the expenditure of hundreds of billions of your tax dollars (debt, actually).

Perhaps the more humorous aspect of this hideous fiasco is in how the regime defines the jobs affected by “stimulus” spending. First, they used the term “saved or created.” When this didn’t cut it, they changed to “jobs funded.” Then back to “saved or created.” According to this story (from the Daily Caller) the new governmentspeak term is… um, er, “lives touched.” Lives touched? Huh? WTF?

Every time a report on the stimulus bill is released, one can almost hear the sound of ‘Yakety Sax’ playing in the background and the president’s team running around in frantic disarray.

It isn’t simply the absurdity of a recent Government Accountability Report (GAO), finding that each job ‘created’ by the stimulus bill costs an average of $194,213.  It’s the fundamental shell game that the administration is playing with the public regarding the numbers, a game that can only be interpreted one of two ways – either the administration itself is inept in their reporting, or they assume the American people are too inept to catch on.

In fact, the jobs reporting has been such a muddled mess, that even liberal media stalwart, MSNBC, couldn’t keep track of their stories earlier in the year.  On January 13th, they ran two stimulus related stories, one which touted the White House claim that the stimulus had saved two million jobs, and another which explained why calculating such a number is impossible.

Now however, the GAO report shows that the phrase ‘jobs created’ or ‘jobs saved’ is no longer the term of choice.  They have decided to go with — wait for it — ‘lives touched’.

Essentially, we’ve now transitioned from the aforementioned terminology, on to ‘jobs funded’, and eventually landed on something reminiscent of an after school special, ‘lives touched’.

So what exactly defines a touched life?

A spokesperson from the CH2M Hill Plateau Remediation Company explains:

“Lives Touched” is a figure that the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) uses to track the amount of people who have been positively affected by the Recovery Act funds.  This total would include people who have been provided full time employment (i.e. saved and created jobs) through the Recovery Act and people who at some point have supported a project funded by the Recovery Act.

In other words, the administration has stumbled upon another way to inflate their job numbers.  They were already reporting on those saved or created, but will now include ‘people who at some point have supported a project.’

So if the GAO report is to be believed, the regime could have simply stroked a check for $100 grand to each of these “lives touched” and saved almost half of the “stimulus” money. Such a deal!

In a related story, the $787B “stimulus” will actually cost $27B more. The “good” news is that this figure is less than the January CBO estimate of $90B more. SHEESH…


4 Responses to “Redefining “stimulus” jobs – “lives touched” Huh? WTF?”

  1. […] With the regime touting the “Summer of Recovery” and all those “lives touched” by the $862B “stimulus” fiasco, this story (from the International Business […]

  2. […] Just look at all these jobs that have been “saved or created,” um, er, I mean “lives touched.” The state-run media has also been very helpful in parroting the regime mantra. […]

  3. Oh I’m sure the WH is working on new ones:

    Hearts warmed
    Toes tickled
    Shoes laced
    Guitars strung
    Hot dogs mustarded

    .. and many more.

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